Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Silly Blog Things

A fond welcome to the blogroll to "A Texan Abroad", a blog by Rhianna, a military wife who's somewhere overseas. Thoughts and prayers from Cheap Seats to Rhianna, her husband, and her husband's unit.

Anyway, we found this silly blog thing via A Texan Abroad. And since I had job interviews all day today, I thought I'd post it. With commentary from me in italics.

You Know You're From Austin When...

You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.
Cap Metro actually is actually nice and efficient most days. It's just on those ozone days, where the transit authority lets people ride for free, you have to watch out because all the bums take the bus

You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
Never been. The law says lesbian marriages are illegal in Texas, but no one in Austin is going to arrest them

You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
So long as the coffee is 90% cream and sugar, I don't care if the beans are from Brazil or Bremerton

You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio.
Or Lubbock

You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or one on building your own web site.
Where you'll probably rub shoulders with a bored Dell-ionare who cashed out his stock long time ago.

You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin.
Tourist tip: There are better LCRA and State Parks you can go to on Lake Travis. Windy Point and Pace Bend come to mind. Hippie Hollow is for earthy types who go topless and the pervs that like to watch them

A man walks on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice.

A woman walks on The Drag with live poultry ...You don't notice.
For those not familiar with Austin, "The Drag" is the stretch of Guadelupe in between MLK and 26th across from the University of Texas campus where all kinds of characters can be found. Yeah, it's weird, but that's the image the local C of C tries to project.

You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.
Or the suburbs

You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.
And is scary to look at

You keep a list of companies to boycott.
Yep, I do. Ben & Jerry's. George Soros' funds, Air France...

Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.
My barber is SuperCuts, my plumber is my dad, and I've never met our mail carrier because we have one of those community mailboxes. As for the Mary Kay Lady, I don't know any female in Austin who buys the stuff. Something about animal product testing...

You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."
Usually, this happens on the drag

You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and- bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is name is actually Leslie.
"Leslie" is a local legend. She/he has actually run for mayor several times (don't ask me how Leslie paid the entry fee, I don't know.)

You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas.
They get margaritas, I get Shiner. If I want something that resembles a slurpee, I'll go to 7-Eleven.

You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's eight 24-hour resaraunts (Katz', Kerbey Lane, Star Seeds, Magnolia Cafe, IHOP, Denny's, the Kettle, or Jim's).
Yeah, if you're an insomniac, Austin is for you. Whoever wrote this forgot about Whataburger, which is also always open

You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene.
Actually Central Market's parent, H.E.B., opened a store in my neighborhood with the same stuff at lower prices. Suckers! HAHAHAHA

You don't even think about getting good seats to the Longhorns football games.
I only go to Texas games when Texas Tech is playing in Austin and I can get tickets.

You know the exact locations of three towing yards.
Because people frequently park where they ain't supposed to downtown

Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/ socks.
I have a pair of Addidas sandals I like that I wear in summer, but no Birks

Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes.
Not even close, and I will certainly not wear anything Longhorn! I collect shirts from Austin restaurants, though

You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March.
Only in La Nina years

You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and Shiner Bock beer a well balanced meal.
And for most Austinites, the chips must be organic and the salsa must be vegan

You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts.
Or buying them on The Drag

100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere
between May and September seems a little chilly.

You figure skin cancer is inevitable b/c it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on.
It does get hot around here

When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys.
Our tap water is some of the cleanest in the state, yet we Austinites insist on drinking bottled water

You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade
And if you're going to 6th Street or the Warehouse District, you are going to be parking a mile away regardless. And paying through the nose for the privlege.

Nobody's aware that Southwestern went out of style.
Hey, what you call "Southwestern" food, we call dinner, comprende?

You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you really don't care either way cuz it's fun to wonder.
Whoever wrote this is probably female and played the "cute guy or butch girl" drinking game at a 6th Street establishment once too often

You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic.
With the number of bikers in Austin, it's no coincidence that native son Lance Armstrong is a Tour de France champ 6 times over

You see more Texas flags flying than American flags
Unless it's a political rally

You spend so much time at MoJo's Coffee House, you finally start bringing in your own CD's for the staff to play
MoJo's is a home-grown coffee joint on Guadelupe, slightly north of The Drag where students frequently go to study and acoustic guitar players can be found on a stage in the corner. They play CDs of anything on off nights, usually mood music

Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of a time as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care.
Probably because most UT students have suspected as much.

Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories."
These are the kind of tricks that Austin-area HR managers have to resort to to get employees in this town to do their jobs

The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free...
And flavor free

That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch.
I don't want to know what the author did on their trip to Caracas

You're in a band - several of them, in fact
No, but I know a lot of musicians because it seems like half the Austin music scene goes to my church

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austin.
I'll just settle for putting them on my blog

As a former Red Raider, I would be remiss if I didn't point out that today is the 25th anniversary of the worst tornado in Lubbock and Texas Tech history.
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